My work is about loss and the search. Loss of self, loss of the moment, loss of belief. Searching for security, for understanding, searching for spirituality, and identity.
In my life, I have often thought I almost found comprehension, understanding. Many times I feel I almost understand the question, that I almost have the answer. I almost understand what’s going on; almost spiritual; almost pure, but never quite. Throughout my youth I searched for security and identity. Growing up needy in the South to a poor, but very religious family, I held on to our beliefs; they became my cause. I lived in areas surrounded by the end of the Cold War military. At the beach where I lived I watched Navy aircraft carriers and battleships lazily float by. On my high school soccer field I watched stealth bombers shoot over the trees. These images of the massive holy engines of war burned themselves into me. My sublime was not nature but the fear of God, the thought of eternity in darkness, and giant machines of mass destruction. At a young age the only success I found was in fighting, so I did, a lot. Violence and religion, always a winning combination. The birth of a bully.
My work deals with the desire to find transcendence, to understand, to lose myself. To become one, to not be alone. These things I found temporarily in my life in struggle; sex, violence and faith. This work is a belief in struggle as a form of enlightenment.
All of my compositions start digitally, be it my physical painting or my projections. I have specific elements I create completely in the computer, others that are purely physical like ink strokes and pencil lines. I render the images into digital elements, randomly and rapidly aligning and realigning these elements over and over again. I relinquish control to the programs within which I work, until I achieve a composition that speaks to me of balance and chaos. These images are then printed. I paint on and attack the surface, obscuring and accenting certain parts, I draw, cut and sand into them layering action upon action. I use spray paint and poured layers of industrial resin to hide and accent the results. The resin also acts as a physical binder allowing me to etch and inlay layers of refined pattern work. I am trying to create, or rather find that taut balance where the forces don’t meld but pull at each other perfectly.
Color is a very important element in my work, and where I send a lot of time in contemplation. I use tones that reference violence, sex and transcendence. These reference points are derived from my personal experiences involved in religious indoctrination and in the pursuit of personal understanding. These pieces are on the verge of comprehension, of the waking fog in which I exist.